| This may offend... but FUCK YOU. |
[Dec. 1st, 2004|03:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Norma Jean | ] |
outwitted? you sound like a fucking sixth grader. all you did was repeat what she said, and say oohhhhh because you couldnt think of anything better. clever.
you know shane, i think i need to tell you a few things. this is a last stitch effort to truly speak as a friend to you. it makes me really mad that you and mary kate come on here to argue with Leanne. It almost makes me sad that you are so stupid and blind. We used to be best friends. Since first grade. But youre so easily manipulated. And mary kate is so manipulative. You know, its really funny how when I was going out with her she used to say that you were just a stupid pot head that sat around and didnt do anything, a waste. And she would try to get me to hang out with her instead of you. My parents were actually right about her. She was brought up like a stuck up little brat who always thinks that she's right, and she tries to manipulate you into what she wants you to be. I was fed up with that, among other things, so I broke up with her. And that night, she actually vowed for revenge, she said that she hopes that someone will break my heart, or that I will come crawling back to her, and she will turn me away (which almost makes me laugh). Believe it or not, I've got a fairly good idea of how mary kate works, and I know that at least in part the reason she started talking to you so much was to make me envious, part of that whole revenge thing. I know that there may have been other reasons too, some sort of care vacuum or something, but I am certain of the revenge contention. But I figured, "whatever, shane will see through it" (not to mention the fact that everyone i talk to says, what kind of friend is that when i describe the whole situation of best friend with the ex, but i guess you never watched all of the high school drama movies. people just think its wrong.) so mary kate, i guess you can be happy because you've managed to turn shane against me. shane i guess you will remain happy and blissfully ignorant. she even got you to stop hanging out with zack. maybe if you break up with her, she'll go out with him! why not, she cant make any friends on her own. seriously half of the people she hangs out with now wouldnt have even talked to her if she hadnt hung around with me when i made friends with them. including yourself. and like last year when she started showing up around where i went to eat lunch with all of my fine new friends including ms beautiful. looking back i dont even know why i wasted two years of my life with her. i obviously could have been doing A LOT better. and you could too shane. but mary kate has this way of manipulation, that has got you trapped.
I used to try to ignore all of this and treat you like you were still my friend. i called to walk to dogs, but you never called me. i asked if you could go places, but you never could. so if you havent noticed (which you probably havent) i just stopped calling. i figure that i dont always have to call my real friends, they will call me, and they have. so i was finally just going to let you fade away, but then you come on here and start arguing with leanne. say whatever you want to me, but dont argue with her. same with you mary kate. i wont put up with people disrespecting leanne, especially for no reason. and especially not on my journal. that is completely uncalled for. she is so much a better person than you are, or will ever be. you have no right to ever show her any disrespect. it makes me want to throw up and beat the shit out of you. because you deserve it. you have no idea what she has been through. you have no fucking idea. she has put up with things over and over that you would only have nightmares about. and you sit and whine in your perfect little have everything you want bubble. you have no fucking respect. no honor, a naive piece of shit. im just completely fed up with you. you really are a parasite, i cannot get you out of my life, no matter how hard i try. i hope you get into your college, and i hope that your parents pay for the whole thing for you, and i hope that you find someone who is completely mindless and will just do whatever you want them to, and i hope that you finally feel enough satisfaction with yourself to leave me, and the people that mean the most to me alone.
Final points that I need to get out there (because they just bother me): WARNING THESE ARE VERY OFFENSIVE. but this is my journal and i can say whatever i want. you do not have to read this.
1. shane, mary kate is not very cute. she's actually got a pretty ugly body, and her face is rather plain. some like her hair, but as you know, its not even her real hair. her real hair is like hay.
2. mary kate, chris is right. that thing that you do with your hair, like you did for homecoming and that day at school, looks like a fucking semi truck. i want to cut it off everytime you do it. one thing i learned from the hippy days: just because it is fifty years old, does not mean that it is cool. didnt you see everyone trying not to laugh when you walked into class that day?
3. mary kate, we already know how manipulative you are, well, all of us except shane, so please use your manipulative powers to make shane cut the mullet.
i feel a little better now. i'm calling leanne to tell her how much i love her, because she is the best in the whole world, and deserves more than anyone i have ever known personally, to be happy. for the first time i really know what its like to be in love. |
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| Western Shirts and Vodka: Left to My Own Thoughts |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|07:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | waiting | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Devendra Banhart!!!! | ] |
deserts of love
oceans of despair
...um...
le hedgehog wants a friend to talk to and all of the pretty girls jump off bridges. i suppose you could say they both take the plunge. i suppose you could say a lot of things. touche. |
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| Pop collar, throw scarf, light clove, repeat. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|07:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | thinking about leanne | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Johnny Cash!!! folsom prison blues | ] |
this is the secret of high fashion.
I hate badly written made for tv movie dramas...
"where are you from?"
::evil voice:: "somewhere far away"
"why are you here?"
"to take over!"
::start throwing punches::
i'll tell you what i do love...
this cute little gal named Leanne.
she's got the cutest, craziest cedar colored hair
and she's really sweet
she's one of the only girls that ever makes me laugh
and her skin is so soft and smooth
she surprised me with her intelligence
and wooed me with those perfect legs
she makes me happier than i've ever been
both inside and out
she has the deepest most beautiful johnny depp eyes
she makes me burn burn burn! like cassady the shiny roman candle
i love the way she touches me
i love her because of her flaws, not in spite of them
i love that girl. |
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| Sigh |
[Nov. 13th, 2004|11:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
November Rain
making shirt and skin so shiny
Girl in Green Dress - you look so beautiful
Will you be there for me after the war?
He had IT
Alfie - life will go on an empty dream
Uncle Max - 10 step plan to healthy nails
I'm in love with Leanne |
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| Fucking Fuckers! |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|09:44 pm] |
I move to nominate Al Franken for Democratic Presidential Candidate 2008.
Will anyone second the motion?
MESSAGE FROM AL
Anytime you lose like this, there’s a certain amount of Wednesday-morning quarterbacking and woulda-coulda-shoulda. I have no regrets myself, but as I look back at Kerry’s campaign, there are a couple of points where, if he had it all to do over again, I think he should have done it differently.
For example, in the first debate, Kerry announced that he would put our national security decisions in the hands of France. He said very explicitly that we would have to pass a global test before using force. I think a lot of us watching at the time thought that that was a mistake.
Also, of course, the flip-flops, especially those about Iraq. Voting, as you know, for the war, then against it, for it, then against it-having, as Sean Hannity said, literally 80 different positions. I wish he could have chosen one position and stuck with it.
Kerry’s decision to ban the Bible. That was a huge mistake, especially in very Christian areas. That might have gone over fine in atheist communities, but it cost him big everywhere else.
And then proposing a health care system that would impose an enormous federal bureaucracy and give medical decisions to paper-pushers in Washington, and in France.
And going back to Vietnam, the way he lied about what happened, inflicted those wounds on himself to get those medals, and then threw them out-I think that was a mistake. Of course, that was a mistake that he made back then, decades ago. But he could have been more honest about it now.
A lot of people talk about Bush’s record, and what he might do in the next term, but what this really comes down to is character. And ceding your doctor’s authority to France, and the flip-flops, and shooting himself in the leg to win a medal-I guess those things just overcame the awful, failed presidency of George W. Bush.
***
You know I wouldn’t mind losing an election if it were an honest disagreement, based on facts, over values and policy. But that’s not what happened. A large majority of Bush supporters went to the polls believing things that were false. For example, any of the above. They believed lies about Kerry, and they believed lies about Iraq, and they believed lies about Bush.
We’re not going to heal this country as long as we have a president who won’t be accountable, who won’t tell the truth, who is willing to campaign with a vicious dishonesty that is unprecedented.
After Barry Goldwater was crushed by Lyndon Johnson in 1964, the right decided to take a long view. They poured literally billions of dollars into creating the right-wing infrastructure that dominates our politics today. They built up the American Enterprise Institute, the Heritage Foundation, the Media Research Center, and now Fox News Channel-and many other organizations, above and below the radar. Though they won the White House in 1968, it took them thirty years to reach their ascendancy in 1994.
Our side just started. Air America went on the air seven months ago. Normally, incumbent presidents either win by a landslide or lose by a landslide, and a year or two ago, people thought it would be an overwhelming Bush victory. It wasn’t. For an incumbent wartime president, this was a close race. And we’ve created a movement to take this country back. Even though we didn’t do it this time, I believe that we will still do it.
The other side wants us to get demoralized, but we are going to fight. We are going to fight every step of the way.
Round two starts now.
-Al Franken
Either him, or Zell Miller, Senator Georgia. HE CHALLENGED A NEWS ANCHOR TO A DEUL ON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND WAS TOTALLY SERIOUS!!!!!!!!! NOT THATS FUCKING COOL. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|10:27 pm] |
if you read this comment.
i think i need to build up a larger audience... |
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| we all need a little nietzshe |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|09:34 pm] |
This world...
This world is a will to power...
and nothing more.
-Friedrich Nietzshe
this pertains in no specific way to anything concerning me, yet the nature of the quote itself suggests that it means everything...try to figure that one out children |
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| Finally...a weekend worth writing about |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|09:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy love | ] |
| [ | music |
| | thinking interpol | ] |
Friday. Time 4:30. I leave for work, a long night ahead of me. I suffer through several hours of boredom at Halloween Horror Nights, see Dylan and his girlfriend and some other kids from school whose names i have neither bothered nor cared to learn. I am working at a cart with a woman i am judging to be in about her fifties. We are conversing. The topic is writing. Next topic is traveling. End night. Time 2:30 am, saturday morning. Finally got off work, waiting outside in 59 degree weather, jeans, t-shirt, waiting for ride. 3:30 am, saturday morning. finally get to bed, hoping to get some sleep knowing that i have another long night ahead of me. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sle-
Saturday waking up around 11:30. Breakfast with family and some minor chores. cut to saturday 2 o clockish. Huge argument with the parental unit. I say parental unit, because that is what they are. Kind of like a task unit on the polic force. They wont let me "stay at dany's" (code for a room w/leanne). Then they wont let me ride w/ mary kate and shane to pick up leanne. I say fuck. FUCK. Then the argument escalated. More and more. I'll leave it at that. Because everyone that needs to know what was said already does. Anyway. After coming to an agreement w/ authority I go to meet Leanne at chili's on I drive at about 6. I felt horrible because her mother and her had prepared lasagne for us. I wanted to slash my mother's throat the whole drive there. Not having a car really depresses me.
ALL OF A SUDDEN
I was sitting on a bench outside Chili's after getting a table. Then the entire night turns around. Completely. Because Leanne walks up. And she looked AMAZING. Breathtaking. Astonishing. I was fumbling. I feel more comfortable around her than anyone in the world, and i love her so much. But I actually started to get shy. She was so beautiful. It was like seeing her for the first time all over again. Falling in love with someone all over again. It is the most wonderful feeling. We got the table, and ordered drinks and nachos, which we had been looking forward to for a long time. We had always made plans to go to chilis for those nachos we both love so much. We kind of waited for shane and mary kate, as it wasnt very clear as to whether or not they would make a show. We went ahead with dessert
and left a little after 7. We figured mary kate and shane got lost or decided to eat somewhere else. The former conjecture proved to be true. We walked a block or so to the Wyndham, a shabby looking, sprawled out poorly located hotel for homecoming. Our initial assumptions would later prove superficial. Being an hour early we crossed the street to a gift shop and looked around at all the touristy stuff. We couldnt keep our hands off of each other. We're so crazy in love. We bought a disposable camera and some mints, went outside for a smoke (or a few in my case), and she took some pictures. We leaned up against the wall together and watched the traffic. Then at about eight we decided to head over to the hotel. We were amazed to find the inside rather charming and elegant. A very old fashioned look, that we ended up falling in love with. It was very reminiscent of the 1920's, before there were any skyscrapers and everything was still crawling out of the victorian. Our first encounter with another couple happened to be with grandma and beaver. i mean jonathan and ginny. we had a few moments of awkward conversation and then decided to get up and explore. We found other people, and after meeting around, putting on the necessary faces we went out for another smoke, and headed into the fire. The decorations were pleasantly suprising, so we staked out a table, and waited around to meet some more faces. After everyone got there, and was settled in the music started to get going, and leanne and i took a slow dance. which was very nice. A little later she taught me a very little bit of salsa and we did some merengue, which was suprisingly fun. I knew that she really wanted to dance, so even though I was a little apprehensive i went along with it. I had a blast. She is the first person to really really take the time to teach me (aside from angelica at prom, when i was too drunk to walk straight, let alone salsa) and it made me feel really good. god, i love that girl. i guess its really true that when you love someone you can totally be yourself around them and not have to worry about anything. Sooooo, leanne says i was pretty good at dancing, and i have to admit, i suprised myself, but more than anything it was just really fun, and it was nice watching her...she's really good. so we hung around at homecoming, at our table, all over each other...i met some mad cool people...joe's girlfriend and her friend monica, who insisted on taking pictures of us kissing, and wants to watch us have sex. so we hung around with bradley, his date, and them for a while. There was lots of groping. and it was lots of fun. i punched dany in the stomach causing him to spill his drink and get mad. fat ass deserved it. leanne and i sat back down at the table to rest up a little for the night ahead. so homecoming was amazing, definitely the best dance, school event thing ive ever been to. afterwards leanne and i left with mary kate and shane for the wafflehouse. we deciphered negro codes to order our food, and played some amazing songs on the jukebox. the food was great and spirits were high. we all got tangled in a huge faux-spider web set up as Halloween decor. Then we went to leanne's old house...the house that no one lives in anymore but still has electricity, water, and beds...after giving shane and mary kate a brief tour and after a few swigs of raspberry rum, leanne and i retired to the masterbedroom...for three hours of the most crazy and amazing-
after that, we were lying together for a bit, but shane started whistling, and saying that they had to go...so with much effort we pulled ourselves out of bed climbed into some clothes and left the house...i had forgotten my wallet, but we werent that far away, and then we took leanne home...i was sad all of a sudden...and we started to my house. it was about four in the morning sunday at this time. I was dropped off at my house, and let myself in with my key. Everyone was asleep. I had been worried because i was supposed to be home at three, but in the morning nothing was said. Amazing, amazing night/morning. I went right to sleep, the alcohol and night's festivities catching up to me. I woke up for a boring and nostalgic sunday. Leanne and I are in love...
Monday...senior skip day...suprised my parents let me do it! i was sick of not seeing leanne. so after she went to work i called lynx. i mustered up the courage, and set out. total of four hours on the bus. about forty five minutes of walking/waiting. time i spent with leanne: twenty minutes. And it was totally worth it. and i got home. and my parents. were not there. amazing luck. the entire weekend. the bus was disappointing. there were dirty old men who gave up their seat for this little school girl, then kept trying to look up her skirt. and retards. and deformed people. and dirty junkies. and oh my god the niggers. loads of them. even at the front of the bus.
tomorrow is back to school. i feel like its been forever. the thought of school makes me mad. and sad. freedom i need you. leanne i love you. and thank you both for an amazing weekend. |
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| October means the moon is red |
[Oct. 12th, 2004|06:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | um | ] |
| [ | music |
| | interpol-antics | ] |
Well, yesterday was utterly amazing...
I FINALLY SAW LEANNE!!!!...
today was okay
i watched this movie...and your mama too (but in spanish) or something...at first i really liked it, then i realized it was just about a bunch of dirty Mexicans. It would have been amazing if they were white. Funny how that works.
other than that...sitting around talking to myself, smoking, singing the german national anthem
FELIPE CALLED!!!he was going on about his beat neighbor, and what they did during the hurricanes and how he so badly wants leanne and me to go visit him some weekend on a greyhound. he's coming this week too. sounds like fun? indeed.
hope the not so distant future plays itself out very well
yesterday i also discovered that ordinary people actually do have webcams, its not just some futuristic gadget from the movies
i love the new interpol cd
in other news:
violence in the streets
represent! ::pop:: uh-oh |
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| Winter? |
[Oct. 1st, 2004|09:08 pm] |
I just read through all of my eljay entries and i think that maybe after a little editing i could publish them...seriously, i think they are terrible right after i write them, and maybe its just that they are bringing back some amazing memories, but they seem to be better written than i remember. please tell me if you disagree, im really sincerely concerned, and i dont want to seem like a pretentious asshole.
i cant write now, im missing the real world. i used to hate that show, but for some reason i cant get enough of this season. over and out. |
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| Nostalgic and left to myself |
[Oct. 1st, 2004|08:54 pm] |
Well I havent seen Leanne in what seems like years. It hasnt even been a week, but i'm already wilting.
Emo installment for the night:
I put a pistola to my head
Why not go out with a bang?
I'll make my world turn scarlet red
Once I wanted the world
I thought that I could change
Once I almost lost it all
Lost it all for good
Now what good will changing do
If everything is still the same |
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| Whiskey, Mystics, and Marlboros |
[Sep. 28th, 2004|02:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | read and find out | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the king | ] |
wow. i havent been this bored in a while. leanne is working, and they're so busy she cant even stop to talk, shane is doing something already, and everyone else lives so far away i dont even try. so i'm alternating between elvis and the paris tapes, nicotine and alcohol. Elvis is singing now, and his vibrato thing is about to break the sound barrier, soon im going to start hearing it ten seconds ahead of the rest of the band.
started on the naked lunch, epic tale of American heros of the junkie dawn...
I am going mad without a car, even though one week ago i should have died
i kind of want to go fencing again
i want that freedom again
i am working halloween horror nights this saturday. 4 30p-1 am
fuck. boredom is enough to kill me
i'll just have to relive yesterday in my mind |
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| WET, WILTED |
[Sep. 17th, 2004|05:14 pm] |
AND JOY abounding like flowers in the springtime,
wet roadside on a warm May night,
and her, beside me, soft so sweet
NIGHT rides victorious on the heels of day, retreating
The last light lingered on her lips, then void. stop.
and creeping, so close, so very close inside
NOW cool November and all the trees are on fire
Trying desperately to ward off winter with flames
The first wayward winds whip wanton snowflakes
BEFORE mad January tightens his icy grip
around mother nature's jugular, frost bitten in death,
staring at her world thru algid obsidian eyes
actually i'm really quite looking forward to this winter
nb. a midsummer night's dream is amazing |
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| fuck |
[Sep. 14th, 2004|03:51 pm] |
|
i feel sick...felt kind of sick this morning, now its coming back.. |
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| Wow. I'm actually able to apply philosophy to everday life! |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|03:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | broken/bruised | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elvis | ] |
If i tell them there will be very bad consequences. If i dont tell them there will be somewhat bad consequences. But I have to decide and live with the result. Because if i choose one way I can never take it back. Fuck. This is a very existentialist moment. |
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| Young Society Matron Takes Life in Plunge |
[Sep. 6th, 2004|05:50 pm] |
America: behind this machine lies over two centuries of maniacs, and a heat which looks to consume this earth.
i like that taking back sunday song, "a decade under the influence"...catchy...leanne is going to beat the shit out of me
Picasso and His Pistol |
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| Note to Jim in Paris, Deceased |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|10:10 am] |
|
Jim, there is something familiar to me about the way you finally went out, violently hemorrhaging, until your face is almost caked with blood because it just keeps pouring and sputtering out until your tired, agonizing heart finally gives up. After hours of vomiting your own blood and bile into a bathtub full of warm scarlet water. You knew that was the night, and you sent Pam back to bed so she wouldnt have to watch. You even locked the door in case you were loud. The Chinese junkies will get you. Was death all that you thought it would be? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2004|03:01 pm] |
helpless in your arms
i suffered the first vision
that set fire to the stars |
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